


Bleed You Me

by ohhstark



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brother Feels, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-30 22:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1024231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhstark/pseuds/ohhstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Running away is hard. Putting up a fight is even harder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bleed You Me

Four weeks and three days. Not that he's counting. Not that he hasn't been waiting for the exact right moment to call Dean up, damn all the shit they've gone through together, and demand a proper apology. But that moment hasn't come. 

And as the hours pass, he feels the humanity slipping away. His will to stray from the destiny set before him ebbs and flows. Locked tightly behind something like wings furled inside his chest. Whatever this swarm of emotions that plague him, Sam senses that the angel laying dormant within him is feeding off of it. Growing stronger the more he wants to cry and scream and beat his fists bloody on the stained walls of the hotel he's staying in. 

Oh yes, his humanity is slipping away. It won't be long now. Wasn't it the Devil who told Dean that they would always end up fighting each other in the end? He has no reason to hold back from that. Dean isn't talking to him and he's more than a little tired of the same song and dance routine they've got going between them. Could anyone really blame him for giving up? After all, he was ready only a few short months ago to do just that. 

He's never forgotten the peaceful, warm, peace he'd felt in Death's presence all that time ago. The feeling of relief he'd been filled with never left him. Still felt like something hollow and beating and rushing in his chest. Ironically, in the same space that the angel fills. And as morbid as it sounds, he still wants that. Deep, or maybe not so deep as he'd like to think, down he aches for that end for himself. He isn't so arrogant as to believe that putting himself through the Trials purified his soul enough to send him to Heaven, but a guy can hope. A concept he's only too familiar with. It's all he's done since he left the Bunker. Hoped and prayed for Dean to apologize, for that hollowness in his chest to filled with anything, for the end to rise up to meet him and never let him go. 

He settles face-up on the uncomfortable hotel bed. And prays to whoever isn't listening that the staff changed the sheets between guests. He won't admit, even to himself, that the hotels he's been staying in as of late are increasing in the unsavory. He just doesn't care enough to search for anything nicer. If Dean saw him like this...well he supposes it doesn't matter what Dean would say. 

On that note, he closes his eyes. He lays there and lays there until the conscious bleeds into the dream world that he hates to admit he wants more than anything. 

Those dreams where he actually knew his parents. Where his mom kissed him goodnight and packed a lunch for him. Where his dad taught him how to fish and how to be a decent man. 

Those dreams where Dean makes an honest woman out of Lisa and he takes Ben under his wing as his own. Not that there was any doubt before whose son Ben really was. 

Those dreams that hurt him to the core but fill him with the first trembling thread of hope he's felt in a very long time. Where Jess had lived and said yes when he asked her to marry him. Where they own a house with the white-picket fence and the dog and two beautiful kids. 

Most days, those dreams are the only things that keep him fighting that tiny voice in the back of his head. The one that calls itself Ezekiel. The one that sounds and feels like something altogether too familiar for his liking. 

Because hoping for something different, something better, is always better than giving in to Dick Angels. A lesson he learned from the best hunter in the world.


End file.
